Combining work and Family: what makes it so challenging and how to take good care of yourself?Orthopedagogue Loes Waanders speaks

The alarm clock rings early. You rush to get the kids ready, arrange childcare, and get to work. During an important meeting, you receive a message that your child is sick and needs to be picked up. The day unfolds differently than planned, and by evening, you’re exhausted, feeling like you’re falling short in every aspect. Sound familiar?

More than a third of working parents experience constant pressure from juggling work and family. Why are these numbers so high?

First of all, we are doing more in less time. The number of dual-income households has risen: more women are working, while only 5% of fathers have reduced their working hours. Additionally, the time parents spend with their children has also increased. In 1965, mothers spent an average of 54 minutes a day with their children; by 2012, this had risen to 123 minutes. For fathers, it increased from 16 minutes to 74 minutes. Doing more in less time ultimately means less time for yourself and more pressure.

Another factor is the shift in our society from collectivist—where family and community played a larger role in raising children—to individualist. We are doing more on our own, even though parenting is something that should be shared. This lack of support also adds to the pressure within families.

Additionally, work schedules often do not align with school hours. The average elementary school child has around 65 days off per year, compared to 25 for the average employee. This not only increases logistical stress, as parents have to split vacations or arrange childcare, but it also intensifies feelings of inadequacy—both at home (“I can’t spend as much time with my child as I’d like”) and at work (“I’m not available enough for my colleagues”).

When we think of self-care, we often picture a getaway or a vacation to recharge. But true self-care is much more about self-awareness: understanding what you need on a normal day to prevent feeling overwhelmed. That’s why self-care activities or tips vary from person to person and even from moment to moment. One day, you might recharge by catching up with friends, while the next week, you’d rather curl up on the couch with your favorite series.

Effective self-care requires three key things:

1. Recognizing when you need a recharge
This sounds simple, but in the busyness of daily life, we often ignore our feelings and boundaries. With children, you can’t always avoid this, as they frequently need you. Maybe you feel exhausted just when it’s time to put your kids to bed. You have little choice at that moment, so focus on the times when you do have control. If your child is napping, you can choose to quickly do some laundry—or to take a few minutes to enjoy a cup of tea. Work (both at home and in the office) is never truly finished, so it’s up to you to hit the brakes and create moments for yourself.

Exercise: If you’ve been in “survival mode” for a long time, it can be difficult to recognize your feelings. Try asking yourself after every meal: “How do I feel?” Notice where you feel tension in your body and what’s happening in your mind. Becoming more aware of your emotions helps you understand what you need.

2. Micro-moments over macro-moments
It’s a misconception that self-care requires a lot of time. Effective self-care isn’t about time—it’s about awareness. Do you use your commute to take a work call (stress) or to listen to your favorite music (relaxation)? Short, small moments throughout the day help you manage stress before it builds up, making them far more effective than pushing through exhaustion for weeks and then “fixing” it with a hotel stay. Keep it simple.

Question for you: What’s something you can do right now that takes less than five minutes and helps you relax? Maybe taking a few deep breaths or drinking tea without checking your phone?

3. Turning your needs into action
Don’t expect your partner or colleagues to instinctively know what you need. Self-care isn’t just about recognizing your needs—it’s also about expressing them and taking action. Ask for help, let people know that a short walk alone helps you, or arrange a babysitter.

Here’s a great reminder: to be independent, you also need alone time and support. Parenting isn’t meant to be done alone, and it’s incredibly powerful to ask for help. When you hire a babysitter so you can recharge, you return with more energy to be present for your child.

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